a broken mold

Hello, my fans! (Two counts as plural.) It is time again for my totally relevant rants about the world and the way it works. Today’s target: “health care.” What is “health care?” Caring for health? Healthy caring? To care healthily? Let’s find out! In order to do this, I am going out on a limb here and breaking one of my rules. I shall actually quote someone and not paraphrase. Fear not, it might be out of context. “Approximately $18 million worth of stimulus money went to Americans who are dead.” Whoops! wrong quote. “Stimulus funds not helping health research, study shows.” Um, getting closer, but still not quite. “$162 million in stimulus funds not disclosed.” Fine! I’ll do stimulus money this time. Sheesh. The news reeks of this stuff.

Yeah, yeah, so our tax money that we gave the Fed to give back to us is kind of missing, or in the Twilight Zone, as I like to say, but we all know where it is, so why are we so surprised? I mean, this is what politicians love to do, right? Same thing would have happened if “Conservative” Reps. had been in office. Let us remember who nationalized the banks. That’s right, D.H., I’m talking to you! Anyways, I didn’t want to talk about the “P” word (olitics) , so I won’t.

Now, back to health care. Where’s that quote? “Stimulus funds for Social Security recipients such as seniors, disabled persons, or veterans could get a $250 stimulus payment pending Congress’ approval of a measure backed by the Obama administration.” Yeah! Wait, wrong one. Oh well, at least seniors, disabled persons, or veterans could get a few hundred bucks out of this deal. Makes everything seem worthwhile! I mean, how could the world possibly get any better?

Man, these quotes are so unreliable. I can’t find any to talk about health care. Let me try again. “Federal stimulus money means the Charleston school district won’t need extra booster club funding – at least not this year – and could avoid budget cuts like the district went through earlier this year.” Oh goody, Charleston school district can wait a year before firing all of their teachers, thanks to drowning the economy in taxes. My life has purpose and meaning at last.

I’m not going to try to many more of these. “The Federal Highway Administration funded all $27.5 billion of its economic Stimulus Funds for highway and bridge projects by its Sept. 30 deadline.” “Some of the $203 million in stimulus funds provided to the Internal Revenue Service through last year’s Recovery Act are at risk of being misspent due to continued problems with contract oversight, according to a new government report.” “The Great Recession is over.”

That tears it! I’m never going to quote from these loser news sites again. All the AP can think about is “stimulus funds this,” and “stimulus funds that.” The last quote should tell us it doesn’t matter anyways, right? We’re in the green and everything is gonna be alright. Well, sorry everyone. Maybe we can talk about health care next time, and how the stimulus funds are boosting it so much.