Hmm, it seems I may have to change the mood a little. Set the Bach music, the arm chair, the fireplace… that should do it. Right, no more hornet nest poking, this has to be my first (and hopefully only) fully serious post. I hope this doesn’t kill the magic. Although, I think it is necessary as people ARE taking offence.
Right, so, first, a slight recap with softer language. Courtship and dating are not sins, but I have a problem with them and a lot of its applications as I have seen. Great results have been done with both, mostly by courtship, but right now, I want to set aside results and go with Scripture. No I’m not saying courtshipers have never thought of Scripture, but that they might be wrong in this particular aspect of interpretation. Last time, I mostly pointed out my love for arranged marriage, but I hardly even touched why I don’t like courtship. Allow me, please, to explain.
First off, why don’t we as reformed peeps like dating? In general, I mean, not as a whole. It is because it takes the authority away from the father, has dangerous alone time, and seems too casual, blah blah blah, we got that, and agree. Why do “we” (not I said the fly) like courtship? That alone time is gone, usually, because of chaperons, it is considered serious, and it puts the authority back to the parents. Perfect! I like these aspects, by the way.
Now, allow me to diverge into a different headship discussion. Pastors. We complain about many Baptists because they take the authority away from the pastor and still give him the responsibility. With husbands, it’s the opposite complaint, they may give the authority to the wife while still having responsibility for the household. Both are bad. Agreed? I hope so.
Okay, back to courtship. Let’s ask some questions. I love Q and A.
Q. Who has the authority? A. The fathers.
Q. Who has the responsibility? A. The Fathers… don’t they?
In some cases, perhaps, but never in my experience or witness. Who is expected to be the one with the most pressure, who is being the one who gets blamed when it all falls apart, and who is getting the run over to see whether or not he is a mature, financially stable, righteous individual? (In what I have seen among reformers, not in EVERY case, I am sure!) A. The one who gets it in the end is usually the boy. Not that the girl doesn’t get hurt in the process, but that hurts the boy too if he is a Christian. Like I said earlier, I couldn’t care less how it goes down if they are infidels. Call me racist. (AH! Slipping into callous jerk again! Drink another beer… ah, that’s better.)
Here is the problem, the man is supposed to go after the girl through the father, right? That sounds great, except for this is a boy we are talking about. A big boy, but a boy never the less. I don’t care who it is, if he is male and he is under 45, and not married, he is immature and in serious need of a woman to set him straight. He cannot be a well rounded, stable individual unless he has a reason to… like the few that God has chosen to be celibate. If you are one of these men, please stop reading this, this is not directed at you in ANYway shape or form.
Look at us, guys! We are men. We go out to explore, we fight wars, we protect and club and yell and sweat. A man is not rooted down until he has his first child. Until then, they are warriors, they might miss home, but they are destined to leave the home… unless they are those particular nerds who are thirty and still live with mom. (No offence to nerds or Mom.) This happened to my once crazy brother-in-law, and everyone else that I now that has a kid now. (The maturing after their child’s birth, not the nerd.) It is not isolated, it happens in America, Romania, Italy, England, India, and I’m sure a lot of other places that I have not been to have the same thing. Family changes a man, and a woman… but in different ways.
The great thing about arranged marriage is that the father looks to the other father to see what the son WILL be… if the father trained the son for the job. The son is not the father, but he is an extension of him, and if he has good report, a brief discussion should be all that is needed to find out compatibility with his daughter, whom he knows intimately… right?
So man up, father! (Not that you aren’t, but if you are not, do so.) Don’t put all the pressure on the lad, for this should be new to him, and he is scared. He might have “feelings,” but you can smash them and turn them to darkness very easily. Don’t allow this to happen, you be the initiator! You go out and find your daughter a husband that get’s along well with her, that is her friend, perhaps, and whose father is an upright, Christian man who says his son would do well for your daughter. Trust each other, and trust God. The bud of friendship will bloom from brother and sister in Christ to a household worthy to serve the Lord. Your job is not to raise your daughter to be a perfect woman, but to raise her up to be a suitable helpmeet for a man who needs help. The two will make one, and they will be that mature, Christian family that unites your two households. A perfect picture of Christ and the Church to form… The Kingdom Complete!
Whoa, I don’t know what happened there. I got carried away, big time. At least I was honest.
This does not give the boy an excuse for being a rapist, or a thief, or a complete moron, but it’s a reminder to the fathers that the boy… is a boy. Get over it.
But is all that a legitimate reason? No, it is not. If the Bible says otherwise, then let all my words fall to ash!
Personally, to make it personal… I don’t think this is the only way. The Bible has other ways, such as with Ruth and Boaz. I like their story, and so does God. He says so. The law chose them. Why are we so afraid of the different? Why is it that if I say these things, many look at me like I am a freak? Show me the arguments’ errors, brothers, do not yell at me. If this is the better way, why not chose it? If you don’t want to, fine, go on and do what you want to do, but why? Are we not here to raise the Kingdom up to what is more perfect? Are we not here to bring Kingdom to Earth? Is this not what Reformers stand for? True ones? Remember, we are His, and we are not to rely on other’s understandings alone, but Scripture is our stronghold, as it was with Martin Luther, Calvin, Augustine. This may be the last time on this blog you hear me be this serious with no sarcasm, so enjoy it. Remember where we have come from. It is the smallest compromises that make Rome fall. It is the desire for something better, not the best, that brings Russians to Romania’s door. I am not saying “my” way is better, I am saying that what is in Scripture is the best. I am not sorry if that offends anyone… for if it does, we are lost.
Your friendly reminder,