a broken mold

This discussion is provoked by and expands a little on what Nathaniel wrote in the last post. He related how we often respond, “Fine,” in answer to “How are you doing?” and how we tend in this way to hide behind a mask and fail to cultivate the sort of beneficial relationship and care for others that is healthy and biblical. So how do we be honest?

I just wrote a paper on Christians and deception, so I’ve thought this over a bit recently. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying “Fine,” in response to “How’re you doing?” especially when asked by, say, the grocery store clerk. Most people don’t expect any more than a one-word courtesy answer. But as of late, when any of my friends or acquaintances asks me how I’m doing, I tend to respond more thoughtfully. It may be “I’m pretty tired and unproductive. Hopefully today will be better. How are you?” Or, depending on the person and their interest in encouraging and exhorting me, I might share my struggles and ask for prayer.

There are two basic truths here: speak appropriately to the situation, and be concerned for the welfare of others. In my paper, I came to the conclusion that (shocker) it comes down to heart motives. For example, some falsehoods actually convey a more important truth, as God’s deception of his enemies communicates His justice and truth. When you say that you’d love to have someone over for dinner even though you inwardly chafe at the inconvenience, it communicates that you value their company and wish to bless them; this is as it should be, and there is no need to let them know about your moment of ungodly selfishness. You know better, deal with it, and prepare dinner in the right spirit.

That was rather long-winded, but I’m tired. What I’m trying to say is that the radical honesty approach has its good applications, and its flaws as well. Sometimes we most certainly should not tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

As to the second point, let us return to the grocery store example. Or coffee shop. As I mentioned, I have been being more thoughtful in my communications with others, say, when in line for coffee at Bucer’s. (Bucer’s is a Moscow coffee shop, where I get lots of schoolwork done. Really, I do.) But sometimes they weren’t really looking for more than “I’m good,” and sometimes it’s just inconsiderate to dump your stress on someone else. The point is, in your openness and communication, be sure you are seeking to “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Eph. 4:29).

Which brings us to what Nat said about finding out what’s happening with others. It can be difficult when they think you’re asking a trite question, but I’ve witnessed many examples of friends showing a sincere interest in the other’s welfare, and it really isn’t that hard to do. When you respond honestly and show an interest in others in your daily conversations, others notice and it benefits everyone. Encourage and sharpen one another (Prov. 27:17).

To wrap up: parents, messy lives, and God. As painful as it can be, I believe it is always best to talk to your parents and work things out. It makes your relationship stronger and enables growth as Christians. Parents are the first sphere of authority set in place by God, and they love you. And life is short. Don’t let relationships fall apart and erode. Don’t let the distance grow. Lives are messy, both ours and others’. Paul wrote as the “chief of sinners” to some new-Testament Christians with terribly messy lives, but God draws straight with crooked lines. Within covenant and communion, we have already overcome the wicked one. Sanctification is a process, but the battle is, in one sense, over.

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.” — 1 Peter 5:6-11

I watched To Save a Life tonight with some friends at the theatre. It was a very good movie. Not watered down. Plenty of what-the-hell moments for me.

And then when we got home, Ashley, Joella, Elliot and I sat in the car and had some honest discussion.

Which has got me thinking. You know how when everything is wrong in your life and someone asks how you’re doing and you say ‘fine’? You know how you get sick of that lie over and over again and wish you would just say ‘terrible’ when someone asks you?

So what if your life is utterly chaos and despair and you hide it all behind a mask? What then? Where do you begin to recover? How do you break out?

My best guess is just starting with one person and telling them the truth when they ask. But my fear is that when you’d tell one person, you’d have to tell everybody the truth. And then what happens? They tell your parents and your world comes crashing down in a painful talk? That’s not something I want to do.

Or what if you or I started being a lot more honest to everybody? I know there are books about this. “Radical honesty”, I’ve heard the term. I distrust it because I guess it’s psychobabble. But I think there is some power in the truth whether they’re right or wrong. What if we knew what was happening in our friends’ and families’ lives instead of giving trite answers and asking questions we don’t really want to have answered? What if we actually considered that the lives of everybody around us might be just as complicated and messy as ours or even more so?

I know I’m generalizing here, but consider the questions nonetheless, I ask. I know they’re just questions, but hopefully our lives will change, even if little by little, hopefully we’ll slowly find answers to these questions. Maybe there will be different answers. I don’t know. But I do know that I’ve heard that people pay more attention when questions are answered that they already asked, so ask the questions and then we’ll try to find the answers, God help us.

We are looking for a few more writers to join us. One or two right now would be great.

Our goal is to pick up the publication pace a bit—hopefully eventually up to at least one post a week (more would be cool, too). I think taking on a couple more writers would ease this task, but I also think Matthew and I would need to step up contributing a bit, too (which may become easier in the summer after I’ve graduated high school). In the long run, our goal is to get some notice. Not really to get famous, but more to have conversations and a small community and also just to get out what comes out of our fingers and toes. It’s also a personal blog, and I want it to stay that way. It’s just some friends who like to write.

So, on to the meat of the thing. Seriously, we don’t mind people that are different than us, in fact having someone who differs somewhat from our opinions might be quite cool. We do have a few basic requirements, though:

• You are a true Christian; you believe the Gospel and don’t have any beliefs that altogether contradict it
• You are a competent writer; you don’t have to be extra stupendous, just able and willing to be creative
• You don’t mind our particular Christian beliefs, like Covenant theology
• You are willing and able to contribute regularly (take a look at the dates of previous posts to get an idea of what ‘regularly’ is right now)
• You are currently between 12 and 32 years of age. It’s not that we don’t like you if you’re older than that, it’s just that we want to run a blog written by young men and women.

Interested? Contact us. Tell us a bit about yourself if we don’t really know you. After that, probably as long as you meet the requirements and we’re all comfortable, you join us. If it’s all good after a month-and-a-half, you’re official. Think of it as an internship (LOL).

Six months after you’re officially on, you can become a partial blog administrator, if you so wish (and we’ll leave the opportunity open for any time). After maybe, say, a year and a half, we might offer you full adminship, which gives you a whole lot of power, which means we trust you a whole lot. And if you don’t want to become an admin, that’s fine too. Just offering.

Yeah, I know frequent short to medium sized posts about your life have a great potential to be boring. But I wasn’t quite considering that. Rather, I’m becoming rather enamored of short to medium sized posts that just throw a thought, question, or reflection out. It’s a form that rather compliments honesty.

I want to say my inspiration comes from Jason Kottke and Seth Godin. There’s probably some other stuff in there, too. I know Jason’s mostly an editor now in the sense that he doesn’t create most of his content, but rather points it out and comments on it. But some of his earlier stuff was more personal. And he points out such interesting stuff.

Seth Godin is a marketer. A genius, I’d say. He seems to spout a continuous stream of good stuff on his blog. And it’s not cheesy. I don’t know that he’s a Christian, but he has an ethic that really appeals to me as a Christian: hard work, innovation, courage, and that sort of thing. And his posts usually aren’t all that long.

So, I think I have some stuff to say worth saying here that I could put in a somewhat similar format. The question is, with Matthew not posting an equivalent amount (not necessarily a bad thing), am I going to be posting too much? (For what? Fairness? Equality? My own good?). That’s the question I wish to ask Matthew and all you who read this.

What say you?

I have a few things to say.

First, I’m a little bit busy. I still don’t consider myself busy by the standards of some of my friends (I have hours and hours of free time, for reals), but it has picked up this year, I think.

Second, I started off this year trying to consistently read the Bible. I don’t think that reading the whole Bible in a year gives you spiritual super powers, although I do think that all of the Bible is worth reading. Also, I think the Bible is worth reading every day. The way I think about it right now is read it every day, get back to it if you missed it, don’t commit suicide or have insecurities if you don’t read the Bible in a whole year. Not that I always do all that but that’s how it’s laid out in my mind right now.

Third, I want to start working out a bit this year. I want to start out with the one hundred push ups training program. It sounds like a very doable, macho, and cool regimen. I did the test several days ago and hit 20. Sad, but it leaves a lot of room for improvement, that being the point of this paragraph. And I haven’t started yet. I blame this weekend (went to Moscow, had Collin over, went to a fireside chat (lame fire… way too low), went to a contra/square dance, went to a missions-themed Sunday School and church service today, ate at the fellowship feast afterwards, and set in on a couple videos and some Q & A. And did some clean-up following that.). That being said, I’m planning a Tue-Thur-Sat schedule for it, so we’ll see how it goes this week.

Fourth, as I think I’ve said before, I want to get some more writers writing here. But here’s the idea I want to get across: it’s not exactly volunteer but it’s not paid and it’s definitely not an internship. I think it is most easily communicated as “I just want to get some friends together and write a sweet blog. And get conversations going.” So hopefully we can get a more official (but not more formal) statement out on that in the near future.

Fifth, leading on the heels of the last para, I’m hoping good things for this blog. It’ll be awesome if we get more writers and I’m looking forward to putting some more effort into writing (I’m thinking post-graduation-from-high-school, which happens early this June). I’m thinking Senior Thesis class may have some redeeming qualities… Anyway, I want to have a discussion with Matthew sometime soon about what he thinks about the blog (past, present, future, probably with emphasis on the last).

Sixth, speaking of school… I almost want to skip this whole graduation thing. I say to myself that I’d be quite happy with a regular end of the school year and beginning of summer. I don’t really know if that’s true. However, best not to dwell on that because I really doubt I’m getting out of this. I am to have a hand in planning it, though, so I can flaunt my influence there (what value it has). And Anna and I are both hoping the other will be valedictorian. Except I think I secretly want to be valedictorian because I keep catch myself writing bits of a speech in my head. Blast.

Seventh, the 29th of December was a bit of a nice date for our family. Finally we got a decent internet connection. Stuck with dial-up for over 10 years. And then finally broadband. Fitting for 2010 I’d say. I think a post relating to the topic may be expected in the future.

I believe that’s all for now. Also, a public thanks to you, Matthew, for your well-written recent posts. While it’s true I’ve always written more posts, I have felt the quality of your posts was very often rather splendid while it was not always so much that way with mine.

Notes From The Tilt-A-Whirl: Wide-Eyed Wonder in God’s Spoken World by N.D. Wilson is a wild ride. To be fair, the preface warns the reader with such injunctions as “This book does not go straight,” and “I’ve forgotten to include seat belts, and I don’t know where I left the liability waivers.”

The narrative weaves erratically through reflections on philosophy, quantum physics, wasp villains, and Shakespeare in a stream-of-consciousness format. Interspersed throughout are meteorological observations, insights on everyday life, and stories from the kingdom Animalia. “Have you ever heard a rabbit scream?”

In the chapter titled “The Problem of Evil and the Nonexistence of Shakespeare,” Mr. Wilson deals with the sobering reality of evil. God is the great Artist, and there is black paint in the world. “How can this Artist be good?” The Christian apologetic is presented here in a rambling, poetic style influenced by C.S. Lewis and G.K. Chesterton, and the result is truly a work of art. Notes From The Tilt-A-Whirl is different; it reads with a unique style that well captures the depth and vibrancy of creation, and being thought-provoking while at it. I highly recommend this book, and I think every Christian should read it.

Note (no pun intended) that Mr. Wilson employs a few words that some might find offensive. For some thoughts on Christians and what might be called “strong” language, check out these older blog posts here and here.

True to the title, Notes From The Tilt-A-Whirl takes the form of notes from life, expressing the wonder of God’s world. God’s spoken world. One theme that runs through the book like a thread (and there are many) is that of words. Everyone is given a part in God’s story.

“Our Maker waits. He would have a conversation. What words will we have? We need only one, the One who spoke us.”

For Christmas, I thought I’d post the lyrics to “a Stick, a Carrot & String,” a profound and poetic Christmas song by mewithoutYou. Incidentally, I seem to have had the same post idea as this guy. Merry Christmas!

The Horse’s hay beneath His head
our Lord was born to a manger bed,
that all whose wells run dry
could drink of His supply.

To keep Him warm the Sheep drew near,
so grateful for His coming here:
You come with news of grace,
come to take my place!

The Donkey whispered in His ear:
Child, in thirty-some-odd years,
You’ll ride someone who looks like me (untriumphantly).

While the Cardinals warbled a joyful song:
He’ll make right what man made wrong,
bringing low the hills,
that the valleys might be filled!

Then Child, asked the birds,
well, aren’t they lovely words we sing?
The tiny Baby lay there without saying anything.

At a distance stood a mangy Goat
with crooked teeth and a matted coat,
weary eyes and worn,
chipped & twisted horns.
Thinking: Maybe I’ll make friends some day
with the Cows in the pens and the Rambouillet,
but for now I’ll keep away -
I got nothin’ smart to say.

But there’s a sign on the barn in the Cabbagetown:
When the rain picks up and the sun goes down,
Sinner, Come Inside! With No Money, Come and Buy!
No clever talk nor gift to bring
requires our lowly, lovely king,
come, all emptyhanded, you don’t need anything!

And the night was cool and clear as glass
with the sneaking Snake in the garden grass,
as Deep cried out to Deep, the Disciples fast asleep.

And the snake perked up when he heard You ask:
if You’re willing that this cup might pass
we could find our way back home,
maybe start a family all our own…
but does not the Father guide the Son?
Not my will but Yours be done!
What else here to do?
What else me but You???

And the snake who’d held the world,
a stick, a carrot and a string, was crushed
beneath the Foot of Your not wanting anything.

YouTube link.