As to your first objection, I think we’re back to the above-mentioned distinction between reconciliation and forgiveness, or, if you like, between forgiveness and readiness to forgive. I’m not saying sin should be forgotten before he asks for it; there’s still a longing for reconciliation on your part. But you should pursue this because you love your brother, and not—as I think the danger is if you withhold forgiveness—turn it into a root of bitterness. Oh, and I don’t think it is necessary to tell people you forgive them when they’re not looking for it. That’s a smug, self-satisfied way to tick them off and you should know it.
On, then, to non-believers. How does Christ love non-believers? He certainly loves them before they love him. He certainly died for them while they were still sinners. To your second objection, along with that, I would add that we are not God. We, like God, should not be willing that any should perish. And we should also hate God’s enemies—but we don’t have omniscient knowledge of who is to be won lovingly into God’s people, and who is on all accounts to be fought to the gates of hell. And I don’t think we’re given that right or responsibility; we should bless those who curse us and do good to those who hate us. Therein lie the burning coals.
It follows that a good way to demonstrate Christ’s love is NOT being close-fisted with our love and forgiveness. And of course I realize that “forgiveness” here cannot be the same sort as between believers, in the sense that they are not in fellowship with God, and they should know it. But they will know it more by seeing the love they are missing (John 13:35, anyone?) than by having their suspicions confirmed that Christians are ignorant and hateful, not even extending what, in the non-believing community, is just common courtesy.
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