I once corresponded online with a Christian friend who felt he had no obligation to forgive an unbeliever who had been trash-talking him in an online discussion—a religion debate thread, no less—on a forum we both frequent. Some atheists in the debate had a tendency to defamatory slurs on Christianity in lieu of real arguments, and my friend complained of one such instance. The other guy said “sorry,” but with the semi-taunting remark that, being a Christian, that meant he’d have to forgive him, right? My friend replied that he wasn’t convinced of the sincerity of the apology, and would therefore postpone forgiveness.
My problem with this, and the reason I personally messaged him about it, is that even unbelievers often evidence better charity than this, comporting themselves with goodwill even in heated disagreements. But they act only out of an intangible sense of sporting or intellectual solidarity. To employ the classic how-much-more argument, shouldn’t we Christians be legendarily quick to forgive? I think the excuse often given, and the misconception I want to address, is that we don’t have to forgive someone unless, or until, they’re truly repentant.
To begin with, forgiveness is different than reconciliation, meaning that you don’t have to wait for them to ask before you forgive them. Some might place the distinction between being prepared to forgive, and actually forgiving (once the other party has sincerely asked forgiveness), but I submit that these are different ways of getting at the same thing. Being prepared to forgive someone really just means you’ve forgiven them, otherwise you’re still holding something against them, whereas you should love them enough to pursue reconciliation.
In the above scenario, I told my friend that it didn’t seem very Christ-like to withhold forgiveness, to which he responded that God doesn’t forgive us unless we truly repent. My best answer was that we’re not God, which I think is a valid point. But more than that, I think God deals with us in a more forgiving way, though repenting of our sins is essential to being in fellowship with God, and conviction is how God brings us back because we are His atoned-for children. But if I were to die suddenly with unrepented sins, I don’t think I’d be cast into utter darkness or serving time in purgatory. And, on a more basic level, “God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). Simply put, if God didn’t forgive us before we deserved it, we’d be screwed.
I was recently inspired to consider this topic again by a sermon on handling conflict, the telos of which was that we are told to forgive as we’ve been forgiven, or else God will do to us as the unforgiving servant of Matthew 18. The man in the parable was forgiven an impossible debt; we likewise, who have been forgiven much, are called to forgive much in return. And this fits nicely with a Thanksgiving theme, since I technically still have half an hour of “Turkey Day.” We’ve been forgiven everything, so we have no excuse for ungratefulness. We’ve been forgiven everything, so why not let’s forgive everyone, everywhere, everything?
That last line and the following excerpt, which I’ll end with, are from the lyrics to ”bullet to Binary (pt. two)” by mewithoutYou:
We all well know
We’re gonna reap what we sow
But grace, we all know
Can take the place of all we owe
So why not, let’s forgive everyone, everywhere, everything
All the time, everyone, everywhere, everythingAll the time, everyone, everywhere, everything…
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Ah, yes, a concept very well debated in the Christian world. Should we forgive those whom Christ has not forgiven? Hmm, I actually have some points of contention with you, and I hope this will be beneficial to both of us.
First off, are we to forgive the non-repentant? I think, among brothers in faith, one should be willing to take the wrong (even if they were right) in order to ask for forgiveness. But if I came up to him and said, “Oh, by the way, I forgive you,” he would only take further offense. We are not to hold past sins against others, but that is different than forgiveness. Forgiveness holds a forget aspect. Once a sin is forgiven, it is forgotten. If I forgave one of his sins before he asked for it, this would be a remembrance, not a forgetting.
Now on to non-believers. We are to be civil with all man, loving them as Christ loves them. Christ loves them… and also hates them. How do we hate and still wish the best on them? Wishing that they will come to Christ and to become a brother. Discretion is the better part of valor. The only argument of theology one should have with an atheist is one trying to bring them into the fold of Christ. If one tries to say what God is, tell them that they don’t even know Him, so how can they speak on His behalf? Ours is not to question why, but merely to speak Truth and hope God changes their heart.
Caleb,
As to your first objection, I think we’re back to the above-mentioned distinction between reconciliation and forgiveness, or, if you like, between forgiveness and readiness to forgive. I’m not saying sin should be forgotten before he asks for it; there’s still a longing for reconciliation on your part. But you should pursue this because you love your brother, and not—as I think the danger is if you withhold forgiveness—turn it into a root of bitterness. Oh, and I don’t think it is necessary to tell people you forgive them when they’re not looking for it. That’s a smug, self-satisfied way to tick them off and you should know it.
On, then, to non-believers. How does Christ love non-believers? He certainly loves them before they love him. He certainly died for them while they were still sinners. To your second objection, along with that, I would add that we are not God. We, like God, should not be willing that any should perish. And we should also hate God’s enemies—but we don’t have omniscient knowledge of who is to be won lovingly into God’s people, and who is on all accounts to be fought to the gates of hell. And I don’t think we’re given that right or responsibility; we should bless those who curse us and do good to those who hate us. Therein lie the burning coals.
It follows that a good way to demonstrate Christ’s love is NOT being close-fisted with our love and forgiveness. And of course I realize that “forgiveness” here cannot be the same sort as between believers, in the sense that they are not in fellowship with God, and they should know it. But they will know it more by seeing the love they are missing (John 13:35, anyone?) than by having their suspicions confirmed that Christians are ignorant and hateful, not even extending what, in the non-believing community, is just common courtesy.
The irony when latent Christianity is better than Christianity in name…
[...] why not let’s forgive everyone?” detailing most of my argument, and that can be read here. I’ll quote myself in excerpt: …we are told to forgive as we’ve been forgiven, or [...]